Do you have a difficult relationship with setting boundaries?
Boundaries are when we’re able to ascertain what is right and aligned with our morals, values and feelings in particular circumstances and situations with the people around us.
This could be with friends, family, work colleagues, in fact anyone we happen to interact with or come across in our day to day lives.
To know our boundaries means that we know who we want to serve and who we don’t want to serve. We’re coming from a place of love and self service which is what we need to be modelling for others around us.
In society, as women, we may be perceived as cold and emotionless for having boundaries, as being a callous person who isn’t open to receiving. But in fact, contrary to this societal conditioning, setting boundaries allows us to create more space within us and around ourselves so we can create more energy and power, which in turn benefits others.
A good indicator of whether we should have a boundary is the way people react when you put that boundary in place. Are they upset by this boundary? Or do they respect and understand why you need to put it in place? If it’s the former, it’s a good indicator of why you should definitely have those boundaries in place with that person. And by modelling our own boundaries we’re helping them to understand their own boundaries too.
That person whom you always know where you stand with, that says “no” if something doesn’t align with them - they have boundaries. And don’t you feel the anxiety around that person diminishes as we know what to expect with them?
So by having boundaries we can be more honest and authentic. We can vouch for ourselves with our strong communication and let people know what they can expect from us and what we can expect from them.
So how do we know where our boundaries are?
Well, if you feel yourself getting anxious or frustrated with someone’s actions, and if it’s affecting you so much so that you're feeling restricted by that person’s energy, it’s likely that boundaries need to be put in place with that person.
We need to tune in with our body and find out if something actually feels good. To move out of our “head space” and into our “heart space”. And if you’re being pulled by someone else to do something you’re not sure about, if you do decide to say yes, ensure you’re doing it from a place of love and joy rather than obligation and resentment, like you “have to do this”.
You can also ask yourselves these questions:
Is this going to serve me?
Does this feel right and expansive?
Or does this feel restrictive?
Remember, there is limited time & resources in our day to day lives and you have to factor yourself in to that as well.
When we don’t set boundaries we can become burnt out, depressed and anxious and that doesn’t serve anyone, least of all ourselves.
ACTIVITY:
Write a few of your core boundaries down.
Going through each one, note down one action that you’ll take to ensure you’ll stick to them.
Further Resources:
“I love you, but NO”
If you’d like to learn a really simple but effective embodiment technique which will enable you to physically help you in setting your boundaries, I invite you to watch my video in my group here (fast forward to 18:35 for the technique).
You can watch the video version of this blog below.